“You don’t owe me a thing. Life is full — so no pressure.”
In true pandemic-fashion, I choose my “highlight reel” photo to post on social media at the end of each day to reflect on the good, share the smiles and document the happy memories from this very strange season. Since our family spends a lot of time outdoors, many of my photos are from the woods or the lake. About a week ago, a local friend commented on one of my photos asking a simple question to which I replied, “I’ll send you a text later on” so I could answer her offline.
Fast forward a week. I forgot.
When I posted the next photo from the woods several days later, the same friend commented again, this time with a different but related question and I replied, “I still owe you a text” because her comment was just enough to jog my memory that I didn’t follow through with what I said I would do a week ago.
What she said in response just a few moments later stopped me in my tracks. “You don’t owe me a thing. Life is full — so no pressure.”
Oh my goodness. This exchange was the second of its kind just that day where I apologized for not responding to something someone had sent me earlier in the week. Do you know why I hadn’t responded to those texts? Followed up on those items? Because life is full right now. Actually, life is FULL, in bold, capital letters.
Children who used to go to school more than 30 hours a week are home now, and not just home, but home with chromebooks, Zoom meetings on their calendars and big emotions thanks to missed experiences, milestones, teachers and friends.
Life is full because work that used to be done while said children were at school is now being crammed into pockets of the day when my brain is just barely switching on and with a steady stream of interruptions and questions along the lines of, “so whatcha doing right now for work, Mom?”
A spouse working from home for the first time ever, the incessant stream of the question, “what can I EAT?!?”, laundry to be folded, a kitchen to be cleaned and the tug and pull of “do I choose to scroll the news updates and social feeds on my phone right now or not” — for all these reasons, life is full.
For the entire duration of my nearly 10 years as a parent, I’ve seen articles and memes that women have posted about stopping the mom shaming, giving each other grace, “we’re all doing our best” type articles and more. Articles about how the mom world would be a much nicer place if we just supported each other instead of coming down on everyone for every single decision they make when it comes to, without a doubt, the hardest job in the world — parenting.
This post is a different twist on that. Because while most of those articles have come from a place of “it would be nice if we could figure this out”, we are square in the middle of an unprecedented global pandemic that has us scrambling to keep our balls in the air and take care of ourselves as we navigate the unimaginable. So while “it would be nice if we could figure this out” was applicable six months ago, now it is a plea.
Please. Please extend grace to the other parents around you. The words you’ve heard many times before ring truer than ever now. We have no idea what is happening under the roofs of other people. None. They are navigating health concerns, work concerns, financial pressure, not to mention relational issues that come among parents and kids who are all at home, all the time together without break. And the little opportunities that DO present themselves are natural opportunities for just a brief pause in what is the typical rush-rush kind of lifestyle we’re used to living.
“You don’t owe me a thing. Life is full — so no pressure.”
Parents are navigating pressure on all angles right now. If it’s not coming externally from a place of business or a utility company or a landlord, it’s coming internally from pressure they are putting on themselves. The last thing anyone needs is more pressure on their fragile lives right now. “Life is full — so no pressure.” Those are some words you can utter to the people you talk to (digitally of course) on a daily basis the next time you feel like you “need” something from them, or wish they would do X, Y, or Z.
Let that be one of the ways we strengthen our relationships among humanity during this pandemic.
We don’t owe one another a thing. No pressure.
Amy Cunningham is the chief content strategist for chambanamoms.com. She lives in Mahomet with her husband and two elementary school-age children.