By Bethany Parker
I’ve been a single mom since April of 2010. In one moment that seems like a lifetime, in others, it’s the blink of an eye. In that lifetime blink of an eye, so much has happened and so much has remained the same. Through all of the ups and downs, through the good and the bad, the dirtiest of times and the things that shined like diamond, adult life just kept pushing me forward.
I remember with great clarity the point at which I decided it would be just me and my kids and our friends until the end of time. No guy. About this I was most adamant. So many things were so messy for so long, and it wasn’t in the plans for an outsider to disturb the peace, to learn our family secrets or blow the dust off things long left untouched. I was in no mood for dusting things off or cleaning out the family closet.
And so it is with much nervous excitement that I must tell you that the Single Survival Mom is about to become the Survival Mom, Remarried. There has a to a better name than that but I’m too nervous about the details about combining households, selling furniture, moving things, installing carpet, changing the address with several dozen places, keeping my children on a steady course and in general not losing my mind between now and the end of April that I simply don’t have time to do much other than stay afloat.
The idea here is to make something new from two entirely separate things. That new thing must reflect the best of both things, but even more than that, the new thing must allow both A and B to retain their own uniqueness while slowly merging into the something new, the C. Parts of A and B will never be part of C, and parts of C will never be part of A or B. It’s the ugliest Venn diagram you’ve ever seen. Some pieces will overlap in some ways, others not at all. There are sharp edges and hurt feelings, anxious youth and adults suddenly unsure that they are really capable of pulling this off. At 10:00 a.m., it looks like a delicate flower unfolding in the sun and by noon it’s a dead weed on the rocky concrete, only to re-appear in tentative bloom again the next morning in a different form entirely.
Nothing comes easily this time, even in the therapist’s office where it’s safe to hash out the complications of how and why and who and where. It’s reality on steroids and it’s been a soul searching, heart-wrenching 18 months in the making. This guy and I, we are the best pair I know. Here we go.
A and B = C debuts in late April.
Bethany, mom to the three wilds who, despite all of their recent growing up, still manage to leave Legos where she steps on them barefoot, marbles in their pants pockets and various food wrappers on the floor of the car.