by Erin Tarr
“…since we got our choice, the doubt about picking the right school has already set in!”
I received this via facebook message from a friend first thing Sunday morning. She had received her Kindergarten School Assignment from Unit 4 in the mail the previous day, and was wondering if our daughters (best friends) would be together next year.
I – of course – was out of town. More than one friend offered to commit a federal crime and tamper with my mail in order to relieve my inner torture of KNOWING that the letter was in my mailbox, but being two states away, unable to do anything about it. While I strongly considered this option, my husband put the kibosh on it.
As we drove the six hours home on a clear Sunday afternoon, two distinct thoughts arose which gave me pause – and believe me I had plenty of time for pause as I listened to Brave, Tinkerbell and Disney Princess movies play in constant rotation on our DVD player. REALLY wish I would’ve remembered the kids’ headphones!
In any case, the first of my thoughts precipitated from my friend’s fb message.
Buyer’s. Remorse.
I hadn’t thought of it this way before, but one of the major drawbacks (IMHO) of the “Controlled Choice” system is the buyer’s remorse. When you don’t have to choose a school, you make the best of your situation … ‘cause ya hafta (I totally wish you could hear how I say that, it makes the sentence much funnier – trust me).
However, when you “get” to CHOOSE, all of sudden you have to take responsibility for that choice, and let’s face it, we live in a responsibility averse society (I’m talking to myself here too!) The regret and concern associated with making any large purchase are mirrored in this controlled choice system. We were given options/choices … and (uh-oh!) we MIGHT have made the wrong one! The bigger issue being: it isn’t our pocketbook that will suffer if we choose incorrectly – it is our CHILD!! I just have to think that something is not right about a system where we have “Buyer’s Remorse” about KINDERGARTEN… jus’ sayin’.
The second thought that flitted in and out of my mind as the flat terrain sailed past was, “would I be ok with whatever choice we received?” Having chosen a magnet school I had, until this very moment in time, just ASSUMED I would get my first choice. (How many others were in that boat with me??) All of a sudden it occurred to me that we might not get our first choice. Now I was desperately struggling to remember what schools I had listed second and third (and fourth and fifth) and WHY!?!
Knowing that my daughter’s best friend had received her first choice (which was the same as OUR first choice), now made me question how I would feel if they didn’t go to Kindergarten together, even though we had chosen completely independently of one another without ever discussing them attending the same school. My daughter also has three other friends who will be in first grade at school choice #1 – and I hadn’t fully realized until our LONG drive home, how much I was looking forward to having a built-in community at my daughter’s school. Oh the anxiety…
When we finally returned home, I discovered we had in fact received our first choice* (B.T. Washington…whew) so I no longer had to struggle with my conflicting thoughts about how to handle the perceived rejection of a second or third choice assignment, being separated from friends, or putting on a happy face for my daughter as we waded into waters completely unknown to us without the comfort of familiar faces to guide us.
In the end I played the game (although it is no longer officially being referred to as a lottery), stayed within well-communicated parameters to give myself the best chances, and. I. “won.”
Truthfully though, it is my daughter who is winning – she has parents that care enough to be involved no matter where she goes to school – I pray that every Kindergarten student next year would be so blessed, and for those who aren’t I hope the rest of us can work together to fill in some gaps for them.
Congratulations to the class of 2026 … here’s to the journey you are beginning, let’s make it a great one!
Erin (Trent) Tarr made the three-hour drive from Southern Illinois to Champaign in 1997 to attend the University of Illinois and never left. Mother of two beautiful girls (2 & 4 years old), she is currently working at the University of Illinois and enjoys reading non-fiction, listening to leadership podcasts, singing, taking pictures of her kids, and blogging at www.erintarr.com. The epitome of an extrovert, she is an active participant at Quest UMC and loves getting together with strong women for book clubs, writing clubs, and wine tastings. You can often find her (with two kids in tow) at Champaign Centennial sporting events where her beloved husband of nine years, Adam, works as an athletic trainer.