By Kelly Youngblood
I had to force myself to hang up the phone.
“Don’t do it. You’ll regret it,” I told myself.
I managed to talk myself out it, but what I really wanted to do at that moment was call this kid’s mom and tell her what a mean, little bully she was raising.
You see, her son had called my son “fat” and my son came home in tears and told me about it. I admit my reaction was a bit irrational.
But as us moms know, we can go from sweet, cuddly mamma bear to standing-on hind-legs-baring-teeth-and-claws grizzly in 0-3 seconds when we feel our cubs have been physically or emotionally harmed.
I’m no psychiatrist, but I do know that the reason it struck such a nerve with me was because I was overweight as a child.
Weight has always been a sensitive issue for me. I’ve never been skinny a day in my life. In fact, when I was a baby my nickname was “Baby Hulk.” Cute, huh?
Sure, my weight has fluctuated over the years- smaller in high school, gained weight in college, lost weight in time for my wedding- but generally speaking I’ve either been “average”-sized or overweight my entire life.
And these days, especially after three kids, the word “thin” doesn’t describe anything about any part of me except for maybe my patience.
But I’m okay with all of that. Really, I am. I’m sure I will always be striving to lose the extra pounds but I certainly don’t obsess over it or make it my central purpose in life. I have too many other good things going on to worry about my weight constantly.
What I do worry about is seeing my son going through what I went through as a child- being picked on and teased for being overweight.
I don’t like that he has to go to a place everyday (namely school) where people not only judge you negatively, but feel the need to share those judgments aloud for everyone else to hear.
It’s been years since I’ve been in school but I can still remember walking through the hallways, riding the bus, playing at recess, sitting in the computer lab and being teased about my weight. No doubt about it, it was painful.
Now that I’m 34 years old, it’s all water under the bridge but I can conjure up those memories as clearly as if they were yesterday. The wounds have healed but the scars are there forever.
I hate that my son has to feel that same pain, the kind that diminishes over time but never really goes away.
The name-calling may have hurt me as a kid, but I think it’s even more heartbreaking when it’s your own child who is the target of the name-calling. As moms, we try so hard to keep them from ever getting hurt. But I know that’s just not possible.
If it wasn’t his weight, I’m sure kids would find something else to tease him about. Few of us make it through our formative years without being teased. It is kind of inevitable- a hard fact of life. I’m sorry to say, I’m sure I teased others at some point or another.
So I guess the best I can do for my children is to take this opportunity to teach them some important life lessons that they need to learn, no matter how much I wish I could shelter them forever.
The lessons are somewhat cliché but completely true and apply to adults as well as children.
Try not to let other people’s opinions of you get you down. We can’t control others, but we can control our reactions to them.
Words do hurt. Remember that when you feel like you want to say something unkind to someone else. (Hence, why I decided to hang up the phone.)
Looks and appearances aren’t nearly as important as what’s on the inside.
Everyone is different and nobody is perfect. Accept and love others for who they are. (That means accepting and loving yourself too.)
And perhaps the most important lesson- don’t tell you mother if someone teases you because she might go ballistic and embarrass you further. (Not really, but do remember, your mamma’s always got your back no matter what!)
Kelly is a mom to three wild and wonderful children and a freelance writer for a weekly newspaper. She lives in Mansfield with her husband, kids, and two dogs