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Recently named “Woman of the Year” as part of the Central Illinois Business 40 Under 40 awards, Tori Exum may be actually a superhero – that is, super mom. Tori’s activities could fill several intros! She is Cubmaster and 4th/5th grade leader for Cub Scout Pack 402 at Canaan Academy, and co-Director for Upward Basketball in Champaign/Savoy for the 2011-12 season. Upward Basketball is a Christian Basketball league with approximately 300 first through sixth grade boys and girls per year. Tori also coaches the C-U Allstars 11U AAU Travel Basketball team, consisting of boys ages 10 and 11. A former foster parent, has parented 17 children in her home over the years, serving many older teenage girls — some of whom were pregnant or already had children. Tori is married to Marcus E. Johnson has three children – Mariah (20), Jaden (10) and Amari (7). The family lives in Urbana; she has been employed with the University of Illinois, Staff Human Resources Office, for the past 11 years.
See why we think Tori Exum is a Chambana mom to know.
Q: Through your various volunteer work and foster parenting you have done a lot for children, well beyond your own. What do you attribute your passion for children to?
Outside of the fact that I just love kids, I believe my time and efforts are worth the investment in my own children and as many other children as I can reach. These are the kids that will be in our shoes one day…future Doctors, Lawyers, Bankers, Politicians and Parents. They will most likely be taking care of us when we’re old…with that being said, I cannot afford to NOT invest in our youth. Who do you want taking care of you when you get old? With so many negative influences that kids come across these days, if I can reach just a few kids…keep a couple of kids active and off the streets/out of jail, expose a child to something that may open up a door or opportunity or encourage a child to go on and become and do great things…then I feel like I’ve done my small part at helping our future generations.
Q: What did you learn from being a foster parent?
I learned that parenting isn’t easy. I had foster children before having and raising my own children and it’s often more difficult to bring a child into your home that you haven’t raised all of their lives. They don’t have your morals, they have to learn your expectations and they come with challenges from their background, that often need to be addressed before you can really help them move forward. Some have a difficult time ever adjusting to being removed from their biological home and so the challenge of parenting (which is hard in itself) is, at minimum, twice as difficult. Add to that a system that doesn’t always work out for every child’s individual needs and the additional self-advocating that you have to do on their behalf and you now have a full-time job! I learned that parenting has its ups and downs and there are no perfect parents. I learned, through my early parenting experiences with foster children, to find those that were successful in raising their children, and listen to their advice along with seeking and finding what God would have me to do. I also remember some of the mistakes that I made as a foster parent and try not to continue to make those same mistakes as I raise my children.
Q: What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving season?I’m thankful most for God’s love and grace…I know he gives me more blessings that I deserve. He has blessed me above and beyond and continues to bless me each day. I’m thankful for my husband…who let me spend 16 hours on our wedding anniversary serving as an Election Judge and when I got home around 10pm, he had a hot meal ready for me. He didn’t put me out the house when I told him that I’d ordered over $17,000 worth of Boy Scout popcorn and not only were we going to be picking it up (just the two of us), but I’d planned to store it in our house as well. Now that’s a good man! I’m thankful to have great kids…it’s rewarding to hear that my kids are “ready to come home” and miss us when we take trips without them. They work hard in school and at church and they’re just overall good kids…good kids make parenting so much easier. I’m thankful for supportive extended family…my mom has always been a great role model for me and while I was a strong-willed, outspoken child…she never tried to change me…only mold me into a better person by challenging me to be the best that I could be and teaching me to work hard in life through her own example. My dad (who is not biologically my dad) showed me how to chase your dreams and never give up. I learned that there are no perfect people and that a father doesn’t have to have the same blood to have the title, “Dad”. I’m also thankful amazing in-laws…I consider myself one of the blessed to LOVE my mother and father in law. They’re the biggest influences for my husband and I when it comes to family life and they encourage and help us as a couple and a young family. I couldn’t ask for better parents! Lastly, I’m thankful for great friends and mentors…it’s always good to keep a few good friends around to laugh and have a good time with and my mentors keep me grounded, learning and moving forward.
Q: What’s your secret to finding time for volunteer work in between working full time and parenting?
Outside of the fact that I sleep very little, I try to stay as organized as possible and I have good people around to help! I have all of the latest electronics, but I still keep a day planner with all events, due dates, meetings, games, etc. and I refer to it daily. It’s hard and I sometimes have meetings and events that overlap and I have to make a choice between the two. I really have to prioritize…for example: we don’t miss church for basketball games…ever. We play about 60 games per season and often have weekend tournaments. If we can’t work out a schedule that works around church, we don’t enter those tournaments or we miss the games (or arrive late) for games on Sundays…the message I send to my kids about our priorities is important to me. The other thing that really helps is supportive family members who really help us out. My mom is a big support in helping us with keeping our kids once per week and with all of my activities, the kids seem to be selling something all year long…she is the best fundraiser I’ve ever met! My in-laws wash and iron all of my kids school uniforms so that we have one less thing to worry about during the week. Without the support of our families, there is no way I could do half of the things that I do.
Outside of the fact that I sleep very little, I try to stay as organized as possible and I have good people around to help! I have all of the latest electronics, but I still keep a day planner with all events, due dates, meetings, games, etc. and I refer to it daily. It’s hard and I sometimes have meetings and events that overlap and I have to make a choice between the two. I really have to prioritize…for example: we don’t miss church for basketball games…ever. We play about 60 games per season and often have weekend tournaments. If we can’t work out a schedule that works around church, we don’t enter those tournaments or we miss the games (or arrive late) for games on Sundays…the message I send to my kids about our priorities is important to me. The other thing that really helps is supportive family members who really help us out. My mom is a big support in helping us with keeping our kids once per week and with all of my activities, the kids seem to be selling something all year long…she is the best fundraiser I’ve ever met! My in-laws wash and iron all of my kids school uniforms so that we have one less thing to worry about during the week. Without the support of our families, there is no way I could do half of the things that I do.
Q: What is your biggest parenting challenge right now?My biggest challenge is helping my kids understand that I don’t parent like some of their friends’ parents and I take my responsibility to raise them as God would have me to as being higher on my list than being friends with them. I am what some would refer to as an “Old School” parent. I see so many parents that skip correcting their children so that they can spare their “feelings” and then they wonder why their kids don’t respect them, teachers/authority or the law. I teach my kids that there are consequences for all of their actions and decisions…there are usually good consequences when we make good decisions and there can be bad consequences when we don’t. I use real life, real people as examples in teaching them and I talk to them often. They are rewarded when they do good and they have consequences when they don’t. As my kids are pleading their case to me about how “such and such mom” let’s them do something (that my kids want to do), I ask them if that person lives at 1105 (which is my house number). When they say, “No”, I remind them that not all households are the same and we (my husband and I) make decisions about what happens at 1105. I believe that if, in raising my kids, we end up being friends…that is a blessing, but I have a job to do first and foremost and that has always been my biggest challenge!
Do you know a fantastic mom, dad or couple? Nominate them today!