By Amy L. Hatch
For months so many of you followed the story of The Wannabe Mom, a Champaign woman who struggled with infertility while longing for a child. We cheered her on during her IVF, we mourned with her when she lost her first pregnancies.
This summer, The Wannabe Mom and her husband adopted a little baby boy — and then found themselves suddenly, spontaneously, pregnant.
Today we’d like to introduce you to The Wannabe Mom, Angie Marker.
Q: OK, it’s time to take the mask off. Tell us, who is the real Wannabe Mom?
My name is Angie Marker. I’m a 30-year-old townie. I am still this girl. I just drive a Toyota Sienna minivan now.
Q: Why did you decide to reveal your identity?
It was time. I couldn’t have been so vulnerable and open with my writing had I not done it anonymously. But at this point in our journey, it’s time to put a face with our story.
I have a dear friend who just confided in me about her struggles with infertility. When I told her I’d been there–she looked so relieved. There’s something very comforting in knowing someone who’s been through it all and can empathize. There’s strength in that sisterhood.
I know there are probably plenty of other women struggling with infertility who know me personally. I hope they find a little comfort after reading this–knowing I went through hell and back and knowing I know exactly what they’re going through.
Q: What moved you to write so openly about your issues with infertility? Did it help?
Our issues with infertility and recurrent miscarriages weren’t easy to share. There’s a little bit of shame and embarrassment that comes with the territory. I really wanted women like me—women who wanted so badly to be a mom, but were struggling through infertility—to have their own little corner of chambanamoms.com. Once I started writing, I was amazed at how many women in the community were relating to my story–and sharing their own infertility struggles. That empathy was a beautiful thing—and very therapeutic for me.
Q: Can you tell us what exactly your condition was?
I’ve been diagnosed as having unexplained infertility. I have a normal cycle, a little on the short side—but still normal. My hormone levels have always been normal. I’m treated for hypothyroidism, but even those levels have been normal for quite some time. I also have endometriosis. I was able to get pregnant—once spontaneously and once through IVF–but keeping those pregnancies was impossible for me. I have absolutely no idea how I was able to get–and stay–pregnant this time.
Infertility is a disease. You’re never cured. You’re treated. I’ll always be infertile—unfortunately a successful pregnancy won’t change that.
Q: We know you adopted a baby boy. Is motherhood everything you expected it to be? How has it changed you?
Motherhood—for the most part–is everything I expected. Our adoption was finalized a few months ago, and the adoption process has also been great. We’re lucky to have an open adoption and we have a relationship with both our birthparents.
Our son is a good baby—good eater, good sleeper, easy-going. But it’s still hard. Not harder than I expected, but still hard. Having struggled through infertility, I don’t take a single second of it for granted though. Anytime I want to complain, I stop and remind myself how lucky I am.
Motherhood has allowed me to love more deeply. I’ve never felt more love for my hubby, my family, my girlfriends—and myself. Babies do that, I guess. Motherhood has also made me really appreciate the relationship I have with my own mom.
Q: And now you’re pregnant and due in July. What was it like to find out you were pregnant after so much heartache, including multiple miscarriages? That must have been hard to wrap your mind around.
Yes, it’s been very surreal. I haven’t wrapped my mind around it yet. Anyone who has struggled through infertility can relate to the sheer panic you feel once you finally do achieve that positive pregnancy test. And after suffering several miscarriages, the only way I know to manage the anxiety of a pregnancy is to completely detach. I hate that infertility brings out those unhealthy defense mechanisms. But it does. I think I’ll probably wrap my mind around this pregnancy after it’s over, and our new baby is here and breathing.
Q: Can you tell us the baby’s sex?
It’s another boy. And we don’t have a name yet. Feel free to suggest one. And maybe we’ll use it.
Q: How do you feel about having two kids so close together? Do you feel like an experienced mom? After all, you just exited the sleepless phase!
I’d be full of it if I told you I wasn’t a little scared to have two babies so close together! But we’re really excited. I’ve heard a lot of moms say they worried they wouldn’t love their second child as much as their first. I guess I have a those feelings too. But I am just so damn grateful to be pregnant. We wanted kids for so long, so you’ll never hear us complain about having them so close together.
I’m not nervous about labor and delivery. I’m nervous about breastfeeding. And I’m a little nervous about mothering a one-year-old and a newborn—operating on very little sleep. But we have a huge support system of family and friends to help. I know we’ll be A-OK.
I’m most excited for our son to have a sibling—a little brother. I think it’s going to be really cool for them to grow up so close in age.
And does anyone ever feel like an experienced mom? I think you could have 10 kids and still question your parenting. It definitely helps to have just gone through the infant stage—I think I still remember the basics.
Q: How will you celebrate your first Mother’s Day?
We’re having a moms-only-brunch at Emerald City in Champaign (if you haven’t tried their Sunday brunch, you’re missing out!) for my mom, grandma and aunts. And then I’m planning on spending time with my hubby and our son at my in-law’s house.
I’ll be thinking a lot about our son’s birth mom. She and I have a really special bond and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of her—especially a day like Mother’s Day.
And I’ll probably be peeing a lot. I’m almost 9 months pregnant, so my bathroom breaks are very frequent these days.
Q: Do you promise to let us know how you are doing when your new baby arrives? You know how much we love you!
I promise. I’m sensitive to those still being treated for infertility. And mine—the story about the lady who adopts a baby and then gets pregnant one month later—is a story I would have rolled my eyes at just a few short months ago. But I promise to share the happy news this summer—if you all promise not to roll your eyes.
Q: Our readers love you and cheered you on during your trials and triumphs while you struggled to have a baby. What would you like to say to them?
Thank you. Thank you. A million times over, thank you. The last few years were rough, but I had so much support–from complete strangers. And that was a beautiful thing.