Editor’s Note: It’s been one year since the Wannabe Mom began to share her journey here on chambanamoms.com, and in honor of her blogiversary, we’ve asked her six questions about why she blogs, how it has changed her and what impact it has had on her infertility journey.
Six Questions for the Wannabe Mom on Her Blogiversary
1. Why did you decide to blog about your infertility?
I didn’t decide to blog about my infertility. I decided to blog about my chronicles as a new mother. I wanted desperately to call myself and my blog, “The Rookie Mom.”
I thought we’d conceive right away and I’d begin my adventures as a new-mommy blogger. One month of trying turned into two. Six months of trying turned into 12. My hubby and I didn’t share our struggles with anyone during that time and I needed an outlet. So I began documenting our experiences. Writing was—and still is–my therapy.
I loved chambanamoms.com and when I met Amy and Laura I asked if they’d consider publishing posts on their site from a woman trying to become a mother. I knew there were plenty of wannabemoms in Chambana and I thought it might be nice for those women to have their own little corner of the website.
2. What has it been like for you to share your experiences here and get feedback from readers?
It’s been a win-win. I’m able to get my feelings out of my head—and heart–and onto my computer screen. Then I’m able to read comments from real women in our community who have been so supportive of me and our infertility struggles.
It’s beautiful to see women take time out of their busy day to support and encourage someone they don’t even know. I get a little teary-eyed when I stop to think about it, actually. These women are good. Their feedback is good. There’s a lot of love here. And I’m grateful for that.
3. You’ve been very raw and vulnerable in your writing. Did that scare you, or make you feel more empowered?
Both. There are a few posts in-particular that were very raw and vulnerable, and very difficult to write. The post about my first miscarriage. The post about my husband. The post about my recent struggles with depression.
I’m human—I’m hyper-sensitive to being judged or criticized. Or pitied. That’s the scary part, for me. But the reality is, I think those are some of my better written posts. Looking back, I’m most proud of those posts. And the responses to those posts have been very positive, so that’s empowering.
4. We know you’ve been on the fence about possibly undergoing another round of IVF. Are you still deciding what to do next?
We haven’t decided what to do next. And we won’t for a little while.
We have three good embryos frozen in Indianapolis, so a frozen embryo transfer is an option for us. Or we may try another fresh cycle of IVF. Or we may not do either and continue to pursue adoption.
We’re taking the summer to enjoy each other and our kid-free life in Chambana. We’re madly in love and we’re madly in love with this community. We’re going to suck all the fun we can out of these next few months, and then we’ll decide our next step.
5. How do you feel your experiences with infertility have changed you for the better?
I don’t know that they have. My experiences with infertility have kicked my ass–and I’d be kidding myself if I said I was a better person having gone through them.
I will say my marriage is stronger today than it was two years ago, but it would have probably been just as strong if we’d had a baby instead of countless infertility treatments and two miscarriages. My husband is amazing and so very supportive. He is a better man–and husband–having struggled through this experience with me.
I’m a good friend, but I do get jealous of my girlfriends and their babies from time to time. I hate that about myself, and I blame that jealousy and self-loathing on my infertility. My girlfriends have been very understanding and very sensitive of my feelings and my barren-belly. They are the coolest. I would say–and they would probably agree–they are better women- and better friends for having supported me through our infertility experiences.
My family worries about me more than they ever have. And that makes me uncomfortable. They struggle with broaching the topic of babies or infertility treatments with us, which I hate. They walk on eggshells around us. I know they’re reading this and probably feeling bad now, and I hate that, too. But I have to believe my brutal honesty on this blog and throughout our experiences with infertility have taught them empathy—and they are better people–mom, dad, brother, grandma, grandpa and all my aunts–having held my hand through all of this.
So maybe that’s it. Maybe my experiences with infertility haven’t changed me for the better. But they’ve bettered everyone else around me. And that’s the silver lining. I’m happy to take all the credit!
6. You’re taking a little bit of a summer vacation from blogging. Why, and what do you hope to do during your time off?
I need to be barefoot and not pregnant this summer.
I want to give myself time to heal, physically and emotionally. It’s important for me to give my body and brain some time to respond to my anti-depressants as well.
We don’t have any real plans for this summer. And that’s the best part.