by The Wannabe Mom
Pucker Up.
Kiss your life.
Accept it, just as it is.
Today.
Now.
So that those moments of happiness you’re waiting for don’t pass you by.
-Philip Bosman
My girlfriend posted this as her Facebook status last week and it’s been stuck between my ears since.
I’ve missed the last two years of my life–waiting around for happiness. Happiness–in the form of a bouncing bundle of baby.
I’ve strained my body, my relationships with family and friends and my marriage–fighting this disease of infertility.
I’ve missed good celebrations—birthdays and weddings and baby showers.
I’ve missed vacations.
I’ve missed evenings out on the town.
I’ve put-off running that half-marathon everyone runs here in Chambana.
Because I was sad. Because I was bloated. Because I hated everyone. Because I hated myself–and my incapable body. Because I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize a possible pregnancy.
The list goes on and on.
I’ve missed living my life. Loving my life. Accepting my life—just the way it is.
That. Stops. Now.
From this moment forward–I’m here. I’m present. I’m not missing another millisecond of happiness.
I will be ok without a baby. My hubby will be ok without a baby. Our life will be ok without a baby.
We are lucky. There is happiness all around us.
Life goes on. From here on out—I choose to live it. To accept it. To kiss it.
I’m sure you’re all wondering what this means. Have I given up? Am I still the Wannabemom? Will we keep trying?
I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.
We’ll all just have to wait and see how it plays out.
What I do know—is that today is a red lipstick kinda day. And I’m puckering-up.
I’m kissing my hubby. I’m kissing my family and friends. I’m kissing my career and the Hal Higdon half-marathon-training schedule taped to my fridge.
I’m kissing my life.
And today–now–I’m happy, baby.