by Celina Trujillo
“Mommy, why are some people (insert race, color, religion or ethnicity here)?”
Only one question may be more intimidating, and that’s the zinger: “Where do babies come from?”
You know your kids are going to pop the question at some point — it’s just a matter of when. Are we left to cross our fingers and just hope they don’t ask in public in an extremely loud voice while pointing to a complete stranger?
When my 4-year-old first asked me that very question a couple months ago, I was somewhat relieved that it was just the two of us, but I was more relieved that I was prepared to answer it along with his barrage of follow-up questions.
The topic had been fresh on my mind since I read a recent CNN study demonstrating that when it comes to race, children are not colorblind. If parents do not talk about it openly, then children form their own assumptions about races and ethnicities. Like many articles, it opened my eyes to something important that I should be doing as a parent, but, unfortunately, offered no practical suggestions about how do it.
Below are some tips that have worked for our family:
- Don’t shush them, change the subject, or dismiss their questions. It gives the impression that it is a taboo topic. Besides, wouldn’t you rather your children come to you than get their answers from friends, the media or other unreliable sources?
- Keep conversations on your child’s terms. Talk as long as they’re interested in it, and revisit the topic as often as they’d like.
- Use age-appropriate explanations. A friend of mine told me that, when asked, she kept telling her son, “Everybody is equal.” She thought he understood, until one day he asked, “What does ‘equal’ mean?” My 4-year-old and I talked about how people of different races/ethnicities not only have a different skin color, but also their hair may have a different color and texture, and their eyes may have a different color and shape.
- Rely on what is familiar to introduce something new. We have a “Sesame Street” book that highlights all of the monsters and their different colors. In the past, I’ve related that to how people also come in different colors. You’d be surprised what resources you already have at your disposal.
- Clarify misconceptions. Your children’s incorrect assumptions can be false at best and hurtful as worse. Nip those in the bud early with a gentle explanation of the truth.
- Expose them to many types of diversity. Just in the past year my family has enjoyed the CU Pride Fest at Lincoln Square Mall, cheering on wheelchair racers at the Illinois Marathon, singing at the MLK Community Celebration at Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, and watching Tibetan monks create and destroy a sand mandala at the Illini Union.
- Don’t forget to discuss how people are similar. In reality, the ways we are the same far outnumber the ways in which we are different. This is the foundation of discussions of more abstract topics such as equality and justice with older children.
So, what have you done to open the lines of communication with your children about race and ethnicity?
Can you share any tips you have for developing pride in your own family’s race/ethnicity and also respect for racial and ethnic diversity? I bet there are as many creative and unique ways as there are families!
Born and raised a Jersey girl, Celina Trujillo came to Champaign-Urbana as an undergrad and never left. Many of the loves of her life are here, including her college-sweetheart-turned-husband (plus his family. Yes, she loves her in-laws), two energetic sons, a church of authentic people, the most perfect job at the U of I — and all this in pretty much the cutest little mini-city ever! Even as a young girl, she’s had a passion for social justice, being a critical thinker and trying to make a small difference in the world.