by The Wannabe Mom
After three weeks away, I’m happy to report my mind is clear, my body is healed and my soul is centered. And the best part—I’m finally free of maxi-pads.
First and foremost–Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. The response to my last post was overwhelming, to say the least. I found comfort and strength—and hope–in all your comments and prayers.
This miscarriage was—surprisingly–the easiest part of the past few weeks. I started bleeding the morning after our “your-baby-is-dead-sonogram.”
My doctor suggested I wear a maxi-pad instead of a tampon. Ugh. I haven’t worn pads since my first period. But I do what I’m told. I picked out the thickest, longest pads I could find. I remember thinking now was not the time to skimp on absorbency.
I walked around with what felt like a men’s size 14 Converse Chuck Taylor in my underwear all week.
I cramped. I bled. I mourned a loss I’m learning is all-too-familiar to many of us. I took lots of Advil and cried in my shower every morning. The bleeding was over in a matter of days.
The hardest part of the past two weeks came last week—after the miscarriage. Monday, I had laparoscopic surgery to look for signs of endometriosis in my abdomen.
It was no fun. Start to finish—one of the worst experiences of my life. I was diagnosed with Stage 2 Endometriosis (more on this diagnosis next week).
The good news: M endometriosis wasn’t horribly severe. It may very well explain the “unexplained” portion of our infertility and our early miscarriage.
The bad news–the anesthesia made me sick and saaaaaad. I cried for a week. I was sore. I couldn’t poop–which is SO ironic because I must have pooped at least fifty times during the colon-prep leading up to the surgery. Yucko.
I’m one of those people who need to poop to feel good. For a week I felt awful—and I had to wear maxi-pads again. Double yucko.
I didn’t work. I didn’t shower. I didn’t even get out of bed. I was a mess. It took five days and twice as many prunes to bring me back to life.
I’ve finally bounced-back.
This morning I was relieved to feel that familiar burning in my belly. After all I’ve been through this month, I was afraid it would never come back.
It’s the burning that comes after each failed cycle. It’s my mind, body, soul–and heart–deciding I’m strong enough to try again. It took a little longer for it to come back this time around, but it did.
I’m back and life is good.