Ask me for strength and I will lend not only my hand, but also my heart.
~ Unknown
By Trish Wilkinson
A few years ago, I attended a birth of a couple who were expecting their first child. This birth stands out in my mind as one of the most social births I have ever attended. Both sides of the family were represented throughout the labor, with males and females drifting in and out as my clients progressed. I remember sitting at my client’s feet as she breathed through her contractions, with her husband sitting right beside her, encouraging and supporting her. What struck me is while the three of us formed this nucleus of focus, around us people were chatting, laughing, and sharing stories. Some women would find this very distracting, but my client seemed to feed off the low level of chaos that surrounded us.
As we approached transition, the crowd in the room dwindled down to a “mere” eight women, composed of grandmothers, a great-grandmother, aunts, and friends. My husband client was the only male in the room. I asked him at one point if he felt somewhat overwhelmed by all the estrogen flowing in the room … he indicated that it was not intimidating at all … he felt it added to the experience for him, as well as his wife. As the baby came nearer to emerging, the energy and encouragement emitting from all the female support was palpable. And it was apparent that the same energy was reaching my clients, empowering them and assisting them in delivering their little girl.
Women surrounding a woman during birth is the basis of doulaing. Until the 20th century, and the introduction of medical intervention into the process, women were surrounded by female relatives, and possibly an experienced midwife in her community. We started reclaiming that intimacy in the latter third of the century, when the outcry to take back birth became more and more prevalent. While we still have a ways to go, there is a definite improvement in the outlook on birth as compared to 60 years ago.
Not everyone feels the need to surround themselves with anyone, choosing instead to keep it very secluded. That works for some, and should be encouraged. But overall, if a woman feels she needs as much positive female energy as possible, then that also should be encouraged. It has been shown in studies that support, especially from individuals who have been through the process of birth, can help the laboring woman reduce the possibility of interventions and medications. And it creates a physical and emotional pocket of safety for the woman, and also her partner. Instinctively, a laboring woman will recognize that atmosphere as a conduit for a more successful experience, and thus allow herself to let her labor progress.
With the approach of Mother’s Day, I am cognizant of what this day encompasses. We are historically connected by our mothering skills … it makes total sense that those skills are immeasurable in birth. A circle of women is empowering and vital … not only for the receiver, but also the givers. There is little more joyous and memorable than to be part of a new life. What better place is there for women to mother a new mother?
Trish Wilkinson has been married for 24 years and is the mother of two boys ages 18 and 14 (first born by unplanned cesarean; the second was a VBAC). A child and family therapist for 15 years before becoming a doula in 2001, she started Tree of Life Doula Services and Birth Resources in 2005 and has attended more than 250 births, including cesareans. She is a certified doula through Doulas of North America, as well as licensed clinical social worker for the state of Illinois. She is a regular contributor to chambanamoms.com.