By Michelle Glick
As I sit here thinking about my wonderful Thanksgiving and all the blessings I am thankful for, I feel dread heading my way. Why is the holiday of thankfulness so closely situated to the holiday of Give Me, Give Me and I Want, I Want? Will my gifts be received in a loving, respectful way, or will my son blurt out yet again that the latest gadget is in the wrong color and therefore he hates it? How do we teach our children gratitude — or at least graciousness? When is it appropriate to expect such behavior out of them?
Children begin to understand that they are separate from the world at around 15-18 months. This does not mean that soon you will hear “Thank you mommy, you are the best!” The early years are still rampant with egocentricism and begin with an inability to say much at all. At 2 and 3, children become grateful for things. Not until around 4 can a child understand thankfulness for more then material goods. But we have to teach them how and what to be grateful for.
The most important thing you can do is model gratitude. It may feel over the top and in the real world it is, but comments such as “Thank you so much for picking up the toys when I asked. It makes me feel happy and respected,” or “I am so happy that the sun is out so I can go and play!” help children start to understand the concept. Doing this often begins to set the idea in their heads. Repetition is so important in the early years.
It is also very important to say no if you want a grateful child. Think about it as the best and longest lasting gift you can give them. I had a friend who admitted to giving in to her child because it was easiest. That ease is short lived for all involved. First you just taught your child that screaming or tantrums work, so you can expect plenty more. On a long-term basis, research tells us the entitled kids have a greater chance of being unhappy and depressed when they get what they want and do not need to give to the family in any way.
Other ideas on how to get gratitude into your children’s lives include volunteering; discussing donating toys and clothes to the less fortunate; having family time each day or week when you say what you are grateful for; and giving them some responsibility around the house.
And who knows, maybe this year all I will hear is Thank You!
This is the first of an occasional series on parenting. Do you have a question for Michelle? Send your thoughts to editor@chambanamoms.com, and we’ll be sure to get it to her.
Michelle Glick has been an educator for 23 years, first as an elementary school teacher in the Chicago Public Schools and currently at a Chicago preschool. Using those experiences, she is writing a book on play and school readiness. When not teaching or spending time with her husband and 7-year-old son, Michelle loves to volunteer in her community with a goal of improving the lives of women and children.