Tim and Taylor Yardley originally planned on waiting a little while before they tried for kids after they married in 2012. But those plans changed when Taylor’s mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer, accelerating the timeline by which Tim and Taylor planned out their inevitable future. The road ahead of them wasn’t what they expected. Tim and Taylor lost their first pregnancy, but they tried again. Their second pregnancy came with a surprise as well: twins! After 29 weeks and 6 days, following complication after complication, months of bed rest, and life threatening issues… Emilia and Caitlyn were born. A mere 12 hours later, Tim and Taylor’s hearts were shattered as Caitlyn, whose membranes ruptured at 15 weeks, died in Tim’s arms. Tim is an Assistant Director and lead researcher working on cyber security for critical infrastructure at the University of Illinois. Taylor is a pediatric registered nurse at Carle Hospital. The family lives in Savoy.
Following are some thoughts from them about what they have been through and what they are doing to help others.
Q: We are so sorry for your loss. Please tell us about your daughters.
Taylor and Tim Yardley: We learned at the first ultrasound that we were (surprise!) having twins, which was the beginning of many changes to come. Due to many complications, we were told a number of times along the way to prepare for the worst, that the girls very well may not make it. Taylor was amazing though, and went through four-and-a-half months of bed rest to keep our little girls safe. Emilia and Caitlyn Yardley were born on December 12. So, while they entered the world early and Taylor did all she could, their journey was not complete. Emilia was taken out first and was quickly prepped for the NICU transfer from the bedside. Caitlyn’s process didn’t go quite as smoothly as she was the one who had the majority of the complications along the way.
Q: What has gotten you through this difficult time?
Taylor and Tim Yardley: It has been incredibly hard. However, we’ve experienced a mixed set of feelings. We’ve been see-sawing between the extremes. While we are feeling deep sorrow and pain for the loss of Caitlyn, we are simultaneously trying to remain positive and focused on the well-being of Emilia, who was still struggling in the NICU and hopefully will be coming home to us soon. While we were determining the way that we wanted to handle the death of our daughter, we had to remain positive and bring those good thoughts and energy to Emilia to help her fight.
Q: How has the community/hospital supported you?
Taylor and Tim Yardley: The nurses and doctors at Carle have been wonderful throughout this pregnancy. They have supported us, encouraged us, and helped us with anything that we have needed while we were pregnant and throughout everything that followed. We never thought that our first experience having children was going to be like this. We did not prepare to both celebrate the lives we just brought into the world and simultaneously be faced with difficult questions such as “to what extent do you want us to intervene in these last moments of life?” All of the nurses that were there that night, and the following days, will forever have our gratitude for their empathy and support.
Q: Very few people have experienced such a bittersweet situation – to have one child go home, knowing you will never bring the other. How are you “balancing” your pain with your joy?
Taylor and Tim Yardley: The nurses and doctors in the NICU that helped us through those experiences will never be forgotten. After we had a little time to recover, we started thinking of the ways that we could give back to them and to the community at large. How could we make sure that the world remembered Caitlyn and that the lives of all the others who have had, or will have, premature children have some comfort as well? So, we started a fundraising campaign and purchased mementos at our expense that would help everyone remember Caitlyn.
Q: The money you are raising is going to the March of Dimes and the Carle NICU. What is your hope for what it will accomplish?
Taylor and Tim Yardley:When we started the campaign, we honestly didn’t expect that it would amount to much. We thought that maybe we would be able to raise $1000 to donate. Our friends and family have been not only compassionate, but also generous in helping this cause. In our hearts, we have just begun. The hope is that we will raise enough money to make a difference. That we will be able to touch at least one life for the better through this donation. We hope that others will not just hear our story, but that they will remember it. That Caitlyn will live on in memory as the icon of a movement, however large or small, to help increase the awareness of the battles of parents and the premature births they may face. This campaign has never been just about our daughter, it has always been focused on everyone that has even dipped their toe into this world.
Q: I know it hasn’t been that long, but what advice do you have to other parents who endure the loss of a child?
Taylor and Tim Yardley: I am not sure that anyone can truly give advice on what to do or how to cope after the loss of a child. Every situation is unique and every person is different. The only real thing that we can say of value is to not lose hope. Cherish the moments you had, however short they may have been. Do something to honor the memory of your child, even if it’s simply making a photo album or scrapbook. Refocusing your energy can both provide closure and allow you to feel as though you are taking a bit of control back from an otherwise uncontrollable situation.
Q: What are your hopes and dreams for Emilia?
Taylor and Tim Yardley: We hope that she will grow up as a strong, kind, considerate, and compassionate woman that makes the right choices for her life and has a long and healthy future. We want her to never have to feel the pains of loss, heartbreak, or the tears we have shed throughout this process. We want her to know about her sister, to know she is a twin, and to never lose focus on the positive things in the world. Just as we hope to do with our lives and this campaign, we hope that she too will one day make the world a better place and change someone’s life for the better. The most important thing is that she will always have a choice of what she wants to do, who she wants to be, and where she wants to go with her life.
Q: Any last words?
Taylor and Tim Yardley: To all the readers out there that see this article, we appreciate your time and we hope that you will consider a donation to this campaign. Help us in easing the pain other families may experience, and aid them in finding a little comfort as they deal with the battle of prematurity and the potential joys and losses they may face.
You can help remember Caitlyn: https://youcaring.com/remembercaitlyn